The Faces of Crazy Jeff

It's no secret that artists are an eccentric bunch, and it's no secret that my boss has a certain panache about him, so it shouldn't come as a surprise when I tell you that on Friday night we had the most interesting art opening I've ever attended. It was pure El Jefe Loco, pure Crazy Jeff.

"The Faces of Crazy Jeff" has been up on the walls at Paradise, downtown, since the beginning of March. He sold a couple of pieces right off the bat which was really exciting. During the South by Southwest Film and Music Festival, which brings people to Austin from all over the world, he sold a few more, including a trio of paintings to a couple from Ann Arbor, Michigan. Nick and Becky Houle were here visiting friends and enjoying the thought of trying to see all 800 bands that performed over the course of a week. They ended up mostly drinking and sightseeing but had the good sense to wander into Paradise and become smitten with some of Jeff's work. He called me from the bar, totally excited, to tell me the news and that we would be delivering the paintings the next morning to Nick's room at the Radisson not far from the house. The Houles were going to treat us to breakfast, which they did, at Star Seeds Cafe, an Austin icon. It was a very lively breakfast with stories flying fast furious around the table and the inevitable curiosity about the tattooed felon, his cat and his demure secretary. I'm telling you, folks..it never gets old. Half the fun of working with Jeff is watching people as they try to figure out what the heck it is I do! If they only knew......

Because the art exhibit was allowed up far earlier than anticipated due to another artist not being prepared, we held off on having the opening reception a few weeks so I would have time to advertise. The opening was planned as a fundraiser to help pay more of Yolanda the Dog's vet bills. I sent out press releases and got us listed on every free website in town I could find. We even made the "Things to Do" column in the Chronicle, Austin's big, alternative newspaper. We were number three on the short list. Not bad for our first time out. And really, who could resist the ad? Raffle items. Silent auction. And musical chairs to live mariachi music! Yes...you read that right. But I'll get to that in a bit.

The night before the opening we went to the Dollar Store just down the street to look for silly raffle prizes. Jeff had his heart set on a rubber chicken or two and thanks to the very good memory of one of the guys at the door, we found ourselves with a basketful of small rubber chickens that made a squeaky noise when you squeezed them. We also found some yo-yos, bubbles, Easter peeps, a three-pack of Yo-hoo chocolate drink and the piece de resistance....a pregnancy test, yup, for a dollar. We giggled all the way home over that. I also picked up red and gold ribbon to festoon the raffle prizes with to match Jeff's ensemble for the event.

We had picked up the sombrero a few weeks ago then found the gold shirt and red shorts at the fitness store. When the subject of what to wear on his feet came up, we happened to see white, slip on tennis shoes. He remarked on how comfy they were. I asked how he knew and he said they were the exact same brand that he wore in jail! I suggested he could paint them to match his outfit and he was over the moon! He's such a girl.

Before I go much further, let me just slip in a little information on the music for the evening. I should take you all the way back to the fact that one of Jeff's favorite movies is "The Three Amigos" with Chevy Chase, Steve Martin and Martin Short. If you haven't seen it, do. It's silly fun and the costumes are a riot. Real mariachi outfits are custom made and breathtakingly beautiful. When we came across the sombreros at the crazy corner shop on Lamar that has tanned cowhides, taxidermy of very interesting animals, jewelry and all sorts of tat, including sombreros as luck would have it, well, Jeff was just in love. He tried on every sombrero in the place and settled on the magnificent red and gold one. We couldn't buy it that day and I'm glad we didn't because when we came back a few days later to get it, I had the immense treat of pulling into the parking lot and hopping out of the truck to find a stuffed baboon's head by my feet. And me without my camera. There was the chest mount of a wildebeest being photographed on the side of the building. The whole thing was completely surreal, and we just added to the crazy by walking in with Wendy in tow and leaving with a gigantic sombrero. Turns out, it's not easy to drive a Suburban with a sombrero on your head.

We got to laughing over how it would totally freak people out to pull up to a business or gathering and have a bunch of people all dressed in black mariachi outfits and sombreros and dark glasses get out, just stand for a few minutes, then silently get back in the black truck and leave. Of course, Jeff would be wearing the red sombrero so people would know he was the leader.

It was the sombrero, and the subsequent acquisition of a beat up old trumpet found on Craigslist and purchased from a guy who drives for Capitol Metro, that gave us mariachi on the brain. Along with this was the fact that in his days as a firefighter, Jeff had organized a party at the firehouse and set up a game of musical chairs. What was first scoffed at as totally stupid became the hit of the party and what tune is more associated with musical chairs than The Mexican Hat Dance? Now you can perhaps see the method in the madness. We did an online search for mariachi bands in Austin and found Mariachi Diamante. Jeff gave them a call. They agreed to play for an hour and gave us a special rate because this was a fund raiser. As it turned out, mariachi music was not our only music that evening.

The boss had been down at Paradise checking on the show a week or so ago when he heard someone playing saxophone out on the corner. Going out for a smoke, he found a very tall, young musician playing some smooth, cool jazz with his sax case open for people to drop some cash in if they liked his music. Jeff, our new trumpet player, asked the guy if he could play trumpet with him and the guy said yes. Being a very good sport, he evidently did some improvising around Jeff's shall we say "inspired" performance, which ended when he couldn't feel his lips anymore. The boss handed him a 20 and said if he came back and played at the reception on the 21st, he'd give him 30 more.

Ok...now we can fast forward to Friday the 21st.
I spent the morning getting the silent auction items printed up. We had certificates for people to bid on. You could be the high bidder on Crazy Jeff doing the recording on your answering machine or voicemail. Or maybe you would prefer a phone call to the person of your choice from Crazy Jeff (some restrictions would apply). Perhaps you would like the framed, signed copy of the Austin Police Department Booking Photo of Crazy Jeff when he was arrested for Aggravated Assault. Or just maybe your thing would be to have Crazy Jeff make a guest appearance at your next social engagement, with special attire provided for bachelorette parties and quilting bees.

Our corporate communications director, Michelle Allen, had to work until 5 so she arrived at my place to shower and change into her spokesmodel dress, Miss EJL World sash and gold tiara. She was as excited and nervous as Jeff and the two of them were positively vibrating by the time we all got dressed. I had found a rather sassy dress and wrap to wear and even Wendy had a glittery new harness and leash to go with the pink boa Jeff had made for her. To say we stopped traffic as we crossed Sixth Street is no exaggeration. Of course it also might have had something to do with the red traffic light....




Things started out fairly quietly, as art openings often do. Devin the saxophonist apeared a little after seven and soon sexy, slippery jazz was rising to the high ceilings of Paradise. Friends arrived. Laughter mixed with music. Jeff and Michelle worked the room while I sold raffle tickets. Devin played for an hour then we chatted while salsa music blared out of the speakers. He had been an All-State saxophonist in high school and went to college on scholarships from his music. He was working during the day at an internet technology business and playing at night whenever he could. Along with being a talented musician, he was quite simply a delight to talk with and had a good time between raffle customers.

At 8:30, the mariachis arrived and the evening kicked into high gear with trumpet
and guitars and violin grabbing the attention of the crowd and passersby. Jeff took over as master of ceremonies and the fun began. Fifteen people paid 5 bucks each for a seat in the game. The last person sitting would win a painting. The music, and when it stopped, was at the whim of the mariachis. For the first round, when the music stopped, everyone sat down, much to their amazement. Jeff had not taken away a chair and said to the crowd as they looked around for someone standing, "That was your practice run!" The place exploded with laughter and the real game began.

If you think kids are cut-throat at musical chairs, you should see adults with five bucks on the line! It was hysterical pandemonium. Forget chivalry and women knowing their place. I'm pretty sure some of the players woke up with black and blues the next morning. And Bill's dad came close to having a concussion when he went spilling ass over teakettle as he was bumped sitting down with zeal. He was fine and still in the game because he took his chair flying with him. He made it almost to the end of play and had the place in tears when he decided to just pick his chair up and keep walking around the table with it. The winner ended up being Stix's brother David. He earned that painting!

The funny continued with the raffle. The amount of excitement generated by rubber chickens and marshmallow peeps should never be underestimated. But my favorite moment of the night was when Valdez, a handsome, single, day trader who had commissioned Jeff to do a painting for his house, won the pregnancy test. He took the prize from Michelle and headed for the bathroom. I couldn't see through my tears.

In the end, we raised a nice bit of money to help pay for Yolanda's bills. Our first Crazy Jeff event was a success thanks to the kindness of friends and family and a few strangers. We now have a saxophonist and mariachi band in our stable of talent to boot. Most importantly, we had an evening that won't soon be forgotten. It was a Good Friday indeed.

For anyone interested in helping out with Yolanda's vet bills, there are still paintings available for sale. (visit www.flickr.com/photos/librarywren to see the whole show) We are not a certified non-profit yet so I can't send you a tax receipt but any donations would be happily accepted if you aren't interested in the art work. Yolanda has made a world of difference in our veteran's life. Love is one powerful thing.

Hope this finds you all well and happy. I've got a bunch more stories to share and hope to write again this week. For now, goodnight from Austin!