The Faces of Crazy Jeff

It's no secret that artists are an eccentric bunch, and it's no secret that my boss has a certain panache about him, so it shouldn't come as a surprise when I tell you that on Friday night we had the most interesting art opening I've ever attended. It was pure El Jefe Loco, pure Crazy Jeff.

"The Faces of Crazy Jeff" has been up on the walls at Paradise, downtown, since the beginning of March. He sold a couple of pieces right off the bat which was really exciting. During the South by Southwest Film and Music Festival, which brings people to Austin from all over the world, he sold a few more, including a trio of paintings to a couple from Ann Arbor, Michigan. Nick and Becky Houle were here visiting friends and enjoying the thought of trying to see all 800 bands that performed over the course of a week. They ended up mostly drinking and sightseeing but had the good sense to wander into Paradise and become smitten with some of Jeff's work. He called me from the bar, totally excited, to tell me the news and that we would be delivering the paintings the next morning to Nick's room at the Radisson not far from the house. The Houles were going to treat us to breakfast, which they did, at Star Seeds Cafe, an Austin icon. It was a very lively breakfast with stories flying fast furious around the table and the inevitable curiosity about the tattooed felon, his cat and his demure secretary. I'm telling you, folks..it never gets old. Half the fun of working with Jeff is watching people as they try to figure out what the heck it is I do! If they only knew......

Because the art exhibit was allowed up far earlier than anticipated due to another artist not being prepared, we held off on having the opening reception a few weeks so I would have time to advertise. The opening was planned as a fundraiser to help pay more of Yolanda the Dog's vet bills. I sent out press releases and got us listed on every free website in town I could find. We even made the "Things to Do" column in the Chronicle, Austin's big, alternative newspaper. We were number three on the short list. Not bad for our first time out. And really, who could resist the ad? Raffle items. Silent auction. And musical chairs to live mariachi music! Yes...you read that right. But I'll get to that in a bit.

The night before the opening we went to the Dollar Store just down the street to look for silly raffle prizes. Jeff had his heart set on a rubber chicken or two and thanks to the very good memory of one of the guys at the door, we found ourselves with a basketful of small rubber chickens that made a squeaky noise when you squeezed them. We also found some yo-yos, bubbles, Easter peeps, a three-pack of Yo-hoo chocolate drink and the piece de resistance....a pregnancy test, yup, for a dollar. We giggled all the way home over that. I also picked up red and gold ribbon to festoon the raffle prizes with to match Jeff's ensemble for the event.

We had picked up the sombrero a few weeks ago then found the gold shirt and red shorts at the fitness store. When the subject of what to wear on his feet came up, we happened to see white, slip on tennis shoes. He remarked on how comfy they were. I asked how he knew and he said they were the exact same brand that he wore in jail! I suggested he could paint them to match his outfit and he was over the moon! He's such a girl.

Before I go much further, let me just slip in a little information on the music for the evening. I should take you all the way back to the fact that one of Jeff's favorite movies is "The Three Amigos" with Chevy Chase, Steve Martin and Martin Short. If you haven't seen it, do. It's silly fun and the costumes are a riot. Real mariachi outfits are custom made and breathtakingly beautiful. When we came across the sombreros at the crazy corner shop on Lamar that has tanned cowhides, taxidermy of very interesting animals, jewelry and all sorts of tat, including sombreros as luck would have it, well, Jeff was just in love. He tried on every sombrero in the place and settled on the magnificent red and gold one. We couldn't buy it that day and I'm glad we didn't because when we came back a few days later to get it, I had the immense treat of pulling into the parking lot and hopping out of the truck to find a stuffed baboon's head by my feet. And me without my camera. There was the chest mount of a wildebeest being photographed on the side of the building. The whole thing was completely surreal, and we just added to the crazy by walking in with Wendy in tow and leaving with a gigantic sombrero. Turns out, it's not easy to drive a Suburban with a sombrero on your head.

We got to laughing over how it would totally freak people out to pull up to a business or gathering and have a bunch of people all dressed in black mariachi outfits and sombreros and dark glasses get out, just stand for a few minutes, then silently get back in the black truck and leave. Of course, Jeff would be wearing the red sombrero so people would know he was the leader.

It was the sombrero, and the subsequent acquisition of a beat up old trumpet found on Craigslist and purchased from a guy who drives for Capitol Metro, that gave us mariachi on the brain. Along with this was the fact that in his days as a firefighter, Jeff had organized a party at the firehouse and set up a game of musical chairs. What was first scoffed at as totally stupid became the hit of the party and what tune is more associated with musical chairs than The Mexican Hat Dance? Now you can perhaps see the method in the madness. We did an online search for mariachi bands in Austin and found Mariachi Diamante. Jeff gave them a call. They agreed to play for an hour and gave us a special rate because this was a fund raiser. As it turned out, mariachi music was not our only music that evening.

The boss had been down at Paradise checking on the show a week or so ago when he heard someone playing saxophone out on the corner. Going out for a smoke, he found a very tall, young musician playing some smooth, cool jazz with his sax case open for people to drop some cash in if they liked his music. Jeff, our new trumpet player, asked the guy if he could play trumpet with him and the guy said yes. Being a very good sport, he evidently did some improvising around Jeff's shall we say "inspired" performance, which ended when he couldn't feel his lips anymore. The boss handed him a 20 and said if he came back and played at the reception on the 21st, he'd give him 30 more.

Ok...now we can fast forward to Friday the 21st.
I spent the morning getting the silent auction items printed up. We had certificates for people to bid on. You could be the high bidder on Crazy Jeff doing the recording on your answering machine or voicemail. Or maybe you would prefer a phone call to the person of your choice from Crazy Jeff (some restrictions would apply). Perhaps you would like the framed, signed copy of the Austin Police Department Booking Photo of Crazy Jeff when he was arrested for Aggravated Assault. Or just maybe your thing would be to have Crazy Jeff make a guest appearance at your next social engagement, with special attire provided for bachelorette parties and quilting bees.

Our corporate communications director, Michelle Allen, had to work until 5 so she arrived at my place to shower and change into her spokesmodel dress, Miss EJL World sash and gold tiara. She was as excited and nervous as Jeff and the two of them were positively vibrating by the time we all got dressed. I had found a rather sassy dress and wrap to wear and even Wendy had a glittery new harness and leash to go with the pink boa Jeff had made for her. To say we stopped traffic as we crossed Sixth Street is no exaggeration. Of course it also might have had something to do with the red traffic light....




Things started out fairly quietly, as art openings often do. Devin the saxophonist apeared a little after seven and soon sexy, slippery jazz was rising to the high ceilings of Paradise. Friends arrived. Laughter mixed with music. Jeff and Michelle worked the room while I sold raffle tickets. Devin played for an hour then we chatted while salsa music blared out of the speakers. He had been an All-State saxophonist in high school and went to college on scholarships from his music. He was working during the day at an internet technology business and playing at night whenever he could. Along with being a talented musician, he was quite simply a delight to talk with and had a good time between raffle customers.

At 8:30, the mariachis arrived and the evening kicked into high gear with trumpet
and guitars and violin grabbing the attention of the crowd and passersby. Jeff took over as master of ceremonies and the fun began. Fifteen people paid 5 bucks each for a seat in the game. The last person sitting would win a painting. The music, and when it stopped, was at the whim of the mariachis. For the first round, when the music stopped, everyone sat down, much to their amazement. Jeff had not taken away a chair and said to the crowd as they looked around for someone standing, "That was your practice run!" The place exploded with laughter and the real game began.

If you think kids are cut-throat at musical chairs, you should see adults with five bucks on the line! It was hysterical pandemonium. Forget chivalry and women knowing their place. I'm pretty sure some of the players woke up with black and blues the next morning. And Bill's dad came close to having a concussion when he went spilling ass over teakettle as he was bumped sitting down with zeal. He was fine and still in the game because he took his chair flying with him. He made it almost to the end of play and had the place in tears when he decided to just pick his chair up and keep walking around the table with it. The winner ended up being Stix's brother David. He earned that painting!

The funny continued with the raffle. The amount of excitement generated by rubber chickens and marshmallow peeps should never be underestimated. But my favorite moment of the night was when Valdez, a handsome, single, day trader who had commissioned Jeff to do a painting for his house, won the pregnancy test. He took the prize from Michelle and headed for the bathroom. I couldn't see through my tears.

In the end, we raised a nice bit of money to help pay for Yolanda's bills. Our first Crazy Jeff event was a success thanks to the kindness of friends and family and a few strangers. We now have a saxophonist and mariachi band in our stable of talent to boot. Most importantly, we had an evening that won't soon be forgotten. It was a Good Friday indeed.

For anyone interested in helping out with Yolanda's vet bills, there are still paintings available for sale. (visit www.flickr.com/photos/librarywren to see the whole show) We are not a certified non-profit yet so I can't send you a tax receipt but any donations would be happily accepted if you aren't interested in the art work. Yolanda has made a world of difference in our veteran's life. Love is one powerful thing.

Hope this finds you all well and happy. I've got a bunch more stories to share and hope to write again this week. For now, goodnight from Austin!

The First Hundred Days...and Then Some

Welcome to March, everyone.

I don't know where February went but it's no longer here in Austin. We've got March, and as I write this a cold front is slipping through with winds that are sounding like a 747 idling just outside on Guadalupe Street.

I'm just getting over my first experience with Lone Star Flu. As they say, everything is bigger in Texas, including the germs. Given that the flu vaccine (which I didn't get this year) is only batting 40%, I guess it's not surprising I was hit. But I'm on the mend. And yes, now that I'm over 40, I get to talk about my aches and pains at will, though I'll hold off on bowel chats until I hit 50....I promise.

So...February. Lots happened during that short month. Someone stole my internet connection for starters. One minute it was working, the next minute, nothing. I called the cable company and they could see I wasn't receiving a thing. They sent a sweetheart of a tech out first thing the next morning and after checking the modem here inside, we discovered that someone had disconnected me at the junction box! They made sure to disconnect themselves when they were done so they couldn't be traced but they didn't plug me back in. Given a few coincidences that occurred in that same 12 hour period, I'm pretty sure it was the dodgy neighbor downstairs. When Jeff heard my story, he took it upon himself to pay a visit to my neighbor in the early hours of the morning and let him know that Jeff keeps an eye on his North End girls (my two other neighbors at this end of the building) and he better not hear that anyone was fucking with any of us. Ok, so sometimes it's cool to work for The Enforcer. My internet has been happily flashing along ever since. Welcome to the big city.

I was downtown twice for shows in February. Valentine's night I was the guest of Esther's Follies, http://www.esthersfollies.com/ , an Austin institution that is part Carol Burnett Show, part Comedy Central, part Capitol Steps and totally hilarious. I was there because I answered a posting on Craigslist for comedy writers to contribute to the show. I sent in some of my lyrics from the Book Chicks and the troupe's founder invited me to come see a show. I now have the option of sending in things I write and if they decide to use them, they will pay me. I'm trying to figure out how to squeeze an electric keyboard out of my shrinking savings so I can actually write again. I'll figure it out. So it's fun to have this outlet now. Esther's runs year 'round, four or five shows a week. It's pricey--$20 a seat--but if you come to visit me, put aside an extra 20 and let's go. You will laugh your butt off.

The second show was on the 21st at Stubb's, another Austin institution. This was the night of the Democratic Debate with Hillary and Barack sitting a few blocks away on the UT campus. We watched the debate at Third Base. The place was packed but for a reason that will make you laugh. A local talk radio host, whose name is, coincidentally, Jeff Ward (not my Jeff), had proposed a drinking game to go along with the debate. Every time the candidates used the word "healthcare" or "change" you were supposed to take a drink. Needless to say, the beer was flowing. Oh democracy...you've got to love it. I had seltzer water with lemon.

When the debate was over, we drove down to Stubb's and found parking then walked up to Paradise Cafe for a quick visit to kill some time. To get back, we rode in a pedicab--a bicycle cab. It's was freezing but quicker than walking. Plus Jeff's leg was bothering him. Back at Stubb's, we had a quick meeting with the trumpet player of the band we came to see--Channel One. They were one of the opening acts for The Slackers and I had kept in touch with them. We were meeting with Laith, the horn player, because Jeff had just acquired a trumpet on Craigslist the night before and I thought it would be cool for him to chat with a professional. Laith was funny and gracious and Jeff got a few pointers before the band started their set. They are so much fun and do original ska and rock. Have a listen to some of their tracks. They had just been signed by Megalith Records a few hours before showtime. It was a real happy show. http://www.myspace.com/channe1

Jeff's dad Tom was in town and we got to see him a couple of times. He has a lovely house on the coast near Rockport, TX, which I got to see on Christmas eve. It was Tom's first time meeting Wendy. She went to him straight away. All she needed was one sniff of that Ward DNA and she let him hold her and walk her. I'm with her almost every day and I rarely get that kind of acquiesence. It was so funny to watch. Tom took me to a fantastic book store downtown called Book People. It's like Barnes & Noble only very Austin which means hippie/trendy/emo/relaxed. It's cool.

The big news for February, however, has to do with the upcoming birth of our non-profit organization, Veterans' Animals Advocacy. Our good friend Max Cleland, former US Senator from Georgia and head of the Veterans Administration under Jimmy Carter, put us in touch with a former lieutenant governor of Texas, Mr. Ben Barnes, who now runs a consulting business. Mr. Barnes has kindly donated the services of a lawyer to file all the paperwork we need to become a 501 (c)(3) non-profit with IRS recognition. This is a huge gift. We have a lot to learn but we have someone who knows the ropes walking through the process with us. Once we have the non-profit status, we can begin applying for grants and start raising money to fund what we want to accomplish which is to become a clearing house for veterans with service animals. Along with helping to match vets with animals, we hope to also offer help with the animals' healthcare and food. We also want to provide education to businesses and landlords and the public in general about ADA laws regarding service animals. Basically, the goal is to provide the information and expertise so that no one has to go through what Jeff and Wendy have to feel their way through every day. Mr. Barnes' generosity gives us an giant step forward in this process. We are very, very fortunate.

However...oh, isn't there always a big BUT whenever there is good news?

Jeff was contacted by the patient of a doctor at the VA here in Austin. After hearing about Jeff and Wendy and their life-changing relationship, the doc felt that her patient would benefit from having a therapy dog. With Jeff's permission, she put her patient in touch with Jeff who sprang into action. He contacted the shelter who had given him Wendy and found the perfect little dog to fit the veteran's requirements. Her name is Yolanda and she is a Yorkie mix. Again, the shelter generously donated food and the adoption fee and we delivered Yo Yo to her new home. The veteran was so delighted and instantly smitten. We spoke with the landlord who agreed to waive the pet deposit because of the role Yo Yo would be playing in the veteran's life. She is not a full-fledged service animal but she is part of the veteran's therapy. It was a very happy day.

But Yo Yo, it turns out, was a very sick little dog and after a weekend of her vomiting and being ill, things got worrisome. Jeff took her to his vet and she was diagnosed with parvovirus, a virus that could kill her. We couldn't not try to get her better, given that she and her new owner had bonded so Jeff took the plunge. $1013.00 worth of plunge. Yes....over a thousand dollars that we don't have but that we are going to pay. The tricky part is, according to our vet, this is the fourth dog they are treating for parvo from this specific shelter in three weeks. Oh dear. Having since read up on parvo, I discovered it is very hard to get rid of once it shows up at a shelter. It spreads very easily and has a very long shelf life. The shelter said they would activate an insurance policy and help with some of the bill. The worrisome thing is, however, that it seems like they were well aware they had (or had had) a problem with parvo and did not disclose that fact to us. They said they felt the diagnosis was a false positive given how quickly Yo Yo responded to treatment. So many variables, yet it's hard not to feel taken advantage of here. Had we known the financial ramifications of adopting that particular little dog, we probably would not have done so. At the least, we should have been given the option of paying $100 or however much the test was, to see if she had it. One hundred is a lot less than one thousand for a veteran on disability and an unemployed librarian. Our client lives only on his social security check. For the great benefit of having Yo Yo, he is still going to have to re-budget his money to afford to keep her. So you can see how an organization like ours is needed.

Which leads me to the final portion of this blog.

Today, under the direction of Drew the Architect, we hung Jeff's art show at Paradise. " The Faces of Crazy Jeff " exhibit will be on display until mid April. The show looks fantastic. We are hoping to sell a number of pieces because proceeds will go toward paying off Yo Yo's medical bill. (So much for Sharon getting a new box of blue Pilot Fine Point pens for her desk....) Here is a link to a page of Flickr I put up today. You can see all the pieces in the show: http://www.flickr.com/photos/librarywren

If anyone is interested in purchasing a piece, the face paintings are $70 each. They are 16x20 and do not have frames but are painted around the sides. The big yellow one with 3 faces on it is $200--it's on wood and roughly 30 x 47. The eyes are sold sets of 8 for $600 per set. Those individual canvases are also 16x20 but hung as a group. I can ship to you and enclose the shipping fee with the invoice. So if you are fond of collecting the work of emerging artists, here's your chance. A copy of Jeff's story "Obsession with Eyes" will be included with each painting telling you the story behind his fledgling art career.

Well I don't know about you all but I'm right tuckered out after all that. Thanks for wading through to the end. Yes, I'm still looking for work. I applied for unemployment through the state and they have granted it so I can at least tread water for a little while. Being eligible hinged on hearing from my former prospective employer, Mr. Brinkley, that yes, there had been a job offered to me here and that it had dried up after I had made the move. Sadly, Mr. Brinkley did not return my phone call when I left a message asking him for the two line email I needed to send to the Maine Department of Labor. Fortunately for me, the gentleman who originally put me in touch with Mr. Brinkely was kind enough to contact Augusta on my behalf and verify what had happened. On the days when it feels like nice guys and gals finish last, I remind myself that I am very blessed to have people who care about me and will extend themselves to help me because I had once done the same for them.

That my parents raised me up right continues to benefit me every day. Pay it forward.

Hope this finds all of you happy and well and starting to put up seeds and getting your grow lights out. Spring is here in the south and starting to inch its way up to you northerners.....honestly!

Much love from Austin.

xo sharon