Adventures of the Gypsy Wren: We Couldn't Resist

Hi everyone.

There we were, sitting at a stop light on Koenig or somewhere and a fly was buzzing about and whack! Jeff killed it. He looked at me and said, "Now, Sharon, you've seen me kill." And we decided then and there it would make a funny one line blog, especially given what some of you know of El Jefe.

What made it even funnier is that y'all kept thinking there was more to the blog and that it wouldn't open for various sundry and legal reasons. Aw come on...we're laughing with you, not at you.....

But it's set in motion the crazy machine again.

Due to reasons we are still trying to ascertain, my EJL WORLD boss has been stood up for dates seven times in a row. What began as a self-deprecating soliloqy over the past week evolved yesterday into a personal ad that we posted in the Men Seeking Women column on CraigsList Austin. We were at Third Base, Bill's sportsbar on W. 6th Street having fries and an adult beverage. Jeff had brought in copies of his True Fiction manuscript to share with some of his friends who work at the bar and conversation landed on his shorty story on attempts to have a successful date, success being that a woman actually showed up.

With the help of Shelly behind the bar, we pieced together the ad. Then, as luck would have it, I had my camera with me and since Jeff had already put away two glasses of B&B, we had the props for a portrait of the young man as an artist. I have to tell you, I can't look at the photo without laughing. Talk about being pleased with myself. I think I have a future as a photographer of tortured artists. Here's the ad:

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go on a date with the epitome of all things manly? Let me tell you aboug Crazy Jeff. Tightly wrapped and yet easily undone, known for his morbidly excessive philosophy and unattainably high standards, he embodies the ultimate conundrum.

Crazy Jeff will take you out for sushi and even pick up the check. How the night ends is limited only to your imagination, from the disasterously memorable to the "oh my God I can't believe I actually went out with that guy!"

If you act now, the first 5 responders will also receive a flower at no extra emotional cost. So click to your email now. After all, there's only one Crazy Jeff and this is a limited time offer.

No animals were hurt in the making of this ad, but Jeff's cat Wendy is pretty upset about Jeff dating.

Offer subject to availability. Residents of North Dalls and West Houston disqualified.

So, it got posted and wow, the worm hit the water and the fish started biting. He got a response straight away and bless him, Jeff followed through with the date. He put on some nice duds. I reminded him he had to stop at the store for a flower, gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek and sent him off into the big world.

They met at Silhouette for sushi and had a good time with laughs. At the end of the meal, he paid the bill, gave the 46-year old divorcee a kiss and said goodnight. He was home by 10, none the worse for wear. See, ladies, he's a man of his word.

However....I'm not going to give a total endorsement quite yet thanks to his actions this afternoon.

I had been up very late with my friends Zman and Adriana Friday night. They had come up from San Antonio to bring me the computer that Zee had built for me. We hung out until around 3:30 am so I didn't get a lot of sleep. You know how it is when you get to sleep that late. Even if you slept 10 hours, it's still not very restful. So I was a bit cranky from being overtired when I finally got up and moving.

Jeff had been out with Wendy all morning/early afternoon and came home full of vip and vim. I'd been fighting with the new laptop, trying to get it to connect to the internet, and was a study in frustration. Mechanical things not working make me crazy. Zee returned a call for help and was trying to do so but Jeff kept up a separate dialogue on the Austin end and I was ready to scream but didn't.

After we finally got things sorted and I thanked Zee, Jeff said he needed me to drive him down to Third Base so he could pick up Stix's motorcycle. Well, you know how I've been feeling about driving the war wagon in downtown Austin. I would be driving back home alone for the first time. Grrrrrr. I walked back to my place to get my license and Jeff came along to talk to my attractive neighbor about sharing wireless fees now that I had a computer. Emily had been holding off getting internet access due to cost and Jeff had broached the subject with her before my arrival. He was being very attentive to me to show Emily what a sweetheart he is and when we finally were getting to the truck he looked at me with the "OH, she's so cute" look. In return I gave him the "I'm not too pleased with you right now" look.

He uttered the quintessential male phrase:

"Why did you give me that look?"

I said I was tired and cranky and he was making decisions that were MINE to make without consulting me and I wasn't half pleased about it.

I even stamped my foot for effect, though the truck was on and my shoes were rubber soled so you couldn't hear it. But I knew I'd done it. So there.

He was in the driver's seat so I climbed in the passenger's seat and we headed out for MOPAC or Route 1. He didn't say a lot and neither did I. As he drove, he pulled out a stack of cds from the storage unit and flipped through them, obviously looking for one in particular. I was paying attention but covertly so. Finding the one he wanted, he slid it in the player and zipped through the tracks. I could tell he was looking for a specific tune. When the music came on he asked if I knew it. I recognized the singer but it took me a minute to place the tune. And when I realized what it was, I had to look out the passenger side window. Here's the tune. Listen to it if you possibly can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTW5YHbOT3Y

If you don't have music/video access as you're reading this, let me tell you that the tune was country singer Joe Diffie singing Is It Cold In Here, Or Is It Just You? Here are the lyrics.

There's something wrong
Lord I'm feeling it too
That runs through my heart
Like a torch cuts through steel
You haven't said a word
Are you feeling it too
Is it cold in here
Or is it just you

Did I leave the door wide open
And let the chill just kill that old desire
Should I put my arms around you
Or put another log on the fire
Is it my imagination
Or did the temperature just drop a notch or two
Is it cold in here
Or is it just you

There's no warmth at all
When I try to hold you near
You stare into space
As if I wasn't here
Did our love just die
Or is it just about to
Is it cold in here
Or is it just you

Did I leave the door wide open
And let the chill just kill that old desire
Should I put my arms around you
Or put another log on the fire
Is it my imagination
Or did the temperature just drop a notch or two
Is it cold in here
Or is it just you

Oh is it cold in here
Or is it just you

Yes, I'm looking out that window as hard as I can so he doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing me trying not to pee myself laughing, the cheeky bastard. He sang the entire song to me, complete with gestures, as we drove downtown. By the time we got to Third Base, I was so giddy from exhaustion at the laughing and lack of sleep that I didn't care that I had to drive home alone. Just get him out of the goddamn truck, the bugger.

In other news, Wendy is recovering well from her second visit to the vet. She's got staples to keep things tidy where there had been some upset from the first operation. I didn't hear from Doug this week but went ahead and got my library card at Austin Public and have a copy of The Reagan Diaries that I've started working with to get a jump on things. He finishes up at Rice next Friday then has a long stretch of research and writing time ahead.

On Thursday I was part of a work crew at Telepathic Tatto, Larry Da Leopard's tattoo parlor, painting the exterior of the building for a new look. This is Larry with his son, Zoom!